I could remember clearly on the 20th April 1995, that was almost 15 years back when I was 15 kilos ago and when I was 23 years old I gave birth to a cute and small baby girl at 1.30 am. She was among the smallest babies at Hospital Lati, Pasir Mas, Kelantan. Yes, my baby girl weight was 2.55 kg and it was just enough for me to take her out from the hospital the next day back to my mother in law’s house. She takes my late hubby’s face and my late hubby was really proud of that. He was there at the hospital when I delivered my baby girl but due to Malaysian government hospital’s rules, he couldn’t be inside the delivery room with me. It was my first baby and my hubby wasn’t allowed to be with me……oh well at least everything went smoothly. But let me tell everyone…….the experience of giving birth at a small district government hospital was NOT fun at all. But looking on the positive side, at least I experienced the hardship of giving birth like what my Mum went through (or maybe during her time even worst…..and not to mention during my grandma’s time, and during my great grandma and……oh ok I should stop now). The pain was so unbearable so when I got not so good services from the midwives (there was no Doctor around the ward after 5 pm unless for emergency cases) I just ignored it. I cried for a little bit coz I felt my waist was going to fell apart from my body…….it was just totally PAINFULL (and no I wasn’t given an epidural). I instantly thought of my MUM every time the pain came, I knew then what my Mum had to go through to have me and of course my other siblings (7 of us and 2 miscarriages). I wanted so badly to run straight to my Mum, hug her and tell her sorry for causing her all the pain when I was in her tummy. To ask for her forgiveness to all the wrong doings I did to her before that and to become a good daughter…..but of course my Mum wasn’t there so I just promised myself that the first thing I wanted to do after I go out from the hospital is to call my Mum and thank her, and tell her I LOVE HER so much. But at least I have my mother in law with me. She was in the ward with me and I really appreciate her presence at that time because she really made me feel much better. She massages me for hours, and gave lots of encouragement words. She is a nice mother in law indeed and made me feel like my MUM was there with me inside the ward. I will always remember her in my prayers and I love her just like my MUM.
Hang on……this story is not about me it is about my baby. Ok my baby was tiny but healthy. When we wanted to name her my late hubby let me decide the name hence I requested to put Siti as her first name like me. All the girls in my family have Siti as their first name starting from my grandma, and my late hubby was happy with my choice. The middle name was pretty random really because I thought of name that quite similar to my step daughter (Nurliana). So I decided on Nurellyza and the third name was taken from my name again Suria (thank God my late husband was a very supportive husband). My late husband knew how excited I was in naming our first baby since that was my first and for him, well……he had his time before. He was a GREAT husband indeed, and that’s why until now nobody can replace him in my heart. He was a very SPECIAL man……so we decided to name our daughter as Siti Nurellyza Suria Ab Rahim (my late hubby’s name….Ab Rahim).
But……………something bad happen after 1 week of giving birth to our first baby. My late hubby had to go to another state to attend some important political ceremony and suddenly he had stroke. He was hospitalised and couldn’t talked due to the stroke and later the doctor found that both of his kidney stopped working. After that he never recovered from his kidney problem and he became even sicker, each day and after 1 and the half years he passed away peacefully at the age of 40. My daughter was 1 and the half years old, and I was 24 years old and in my final year doing my degree. What ever it is life goes on……I mourned for his passing for 2 weeks and straight away went back to university to finish my study. I know he will always be with me in my heart and I have to finish my study for my daughter’s sake, myself and my late hubby. That wasn’t all actually, when my daughter was 8 weeks old something else happen…….when we took her for routine check up for baby, the Doctor told us that she was born with internal cleft palate problem http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleft_lip_and_palate. Hence, she needed special care and had to go through an operation when she got older. Me and my late hubby (he was still around at that time) cried together to learn about this news…..but we knew Allah tested us because HE LOVES us. Of course to accept it was a little bit hard, but after a while we learnt to accept it.
At first we called her Ellyza but later my Mum decided to make it even shorter to Ija and we just followed my Mum after that. Due to my circumstances Mum and Dad came to the rescue, she looked after Ija ever since she was three months old, while I looked after my sick hubby and focus on my study. So Ija stayed with Mum, Dad, my two younger brothers Husna and Husba in my hometown. After my late hubby passed away Ija continued staying with my parents and brothers while I tried to make a living. It was HARD……very HARD, I graduated right in the middle of the worst economic crisis ever hit Asia. That was in 1997 and job was very hard to get, and I was jobless for 6 months…….and once again my parents were there for me. In fact, all my other siblings Kak Na, Kak Chik, Abang Ni, Salwa, Husna and Husba were so supportive and help me in what ever they could. When Ija was 3 years old I took her for the long awaited surgery to fix her cleft palate at a private hospital (oh yeah I learnt my lesson well). Thanks to my late hubby’s powerful friend who sponsored the hospital bill and the problem was fixed. I was and am indeed very blessed, alhamdulillah and that was what my late hubby’s wanted before his death, to fix Ija’s cleft palate…..Not long after that, Allah answered my prayer and I got a better job with Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM) in the year 2000. In 2007 UPM offered me a scholarship to do my PhD at QUT, Brisbane. At that time I decided it was a perfect timing for me to bring my daughter with me to Brisbane. When I went to Dunedin, New Zealand in 2001 I couldn’t bring her due to financial constraint. But in Brisbane everything is paid for by my government (Thank you Malaysian government for this opportunity). Allah is great……..he knows the best for me, so in January 2008 I took my daughter Ija to come and stay with me in Brisbane. She was 12 years old at that time, and Mum cried so hard until she fall sick for 2 weeks. Imagine that…….I almost sent Ija back when I knew that Mum missed Ija so much but again, I’m blessed to have such a good family. They cried with me, they shared my pain, they supported me through thick and thin and after a while Mum was okay.
Now, it has been almost 2 and the half years Ija stayed with me and she's soongoing to turn to 15 years old in 12 days. I’m so proud of her and I pray to Allah that she will be successful in her life, and will be a good Muslim forever. Ija is a teenage now, a well behave, mature and obedient kid and I have so many people to thank to. For without them I may not be able to have such a great daughter in my life. To those whom I tagged your names here from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU/JAZAKALLAH so much for helping me and Ija to get through in this tough life. I will always in debt with all of you and may Allah bless all of you. To MAK, ABAH, KAK NA, KAK CHIK, ABANG NI, SALWA, HUSNA, HUSBA, ABU, ABANG FUAD and ABANG IZZ you are THE WORLD to me. Thank you for making Ija feels like she has her PAPA and family around all these years. Because of all of you, she NEVER, I repeat NEVER, EVER felt like she has no Dad at all……and all because of yous. I LOVE ALL OF YOU and HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY IJA. Keep up the good work daughter and Umi will always be here for you insyaallah. If Umi is no longer around, insyaallah our family will always be there for you. XOX
