Finally..........I am over to the next stage! Part II

I joined my new faculty which is totally different from my normal background middle of April 09. It was an entirely new experience and totally different environment for me who came from the faculty that is known for their business like and professional approached (bla bla bla...what ever). I must say I had a 'small' cultural shocked at this new faculty of mine hahahaha. Things like unisex toilets; 'artistic' (too artistic) photos; different group of sexuality people (openly declared); and creative story telling (hmmm too detail I must say....). So I was a little bit shocked at first but the funny thing is that, these new group of people accepted me in almost instantly. They really make me feel comfortable and feel at home. Even the g** group are so nice to me and as usual were sooooo fasinated with my believe and religion. So here we go again......explaining about my culture and religion like I always do where ever I go, but don't get me wrong....I LOVE doing it. Looking at how amazed people are with my culture and religion from my perspective is just great. Most of them didn't know much about my culture and religion or got wrong information about it. There are just kind people...I love them all. My principal supervisor is a renown professor in his area and I'm very blessed to have him as my supervisor. He had produced over 30 PhD students.....hmmmm I wonder if I ever gonna produced that many PhD students or even 1/3 of it. Even to finish this journey is still fuzzy and blurry. Anyway, I am so thankfull to my supervisor who agreed to take me under his wing and I still remember the very day he said to me..."You have found your new home now....you have a home now". I cried instantly hearing those kind words (and it happen during our first meeting....how embarassing) and realised once again that, they are actually many kind people in this world. Praise to Allah for that.

Because of my special case status, the uni gave 3 months for me to complete my confirmation which is really hard to achieve like I said earlier even for English native speaker. Of course I didn't achieve it in 3 months time but I achieved it in 6 months time! Wow....what a feeling....at last, THIS IS IT. But the biggest contributor to my confirmation story must be given to my associate supervisor who turned to be my principal supervisor for the past 3 weeks. He really was the person who made this happen....he worked with me so hard for 5 weeks and I hope he will continue doing that after this until I get my PhD. After all the struggles and pain I went through....I got this much awaited confirmation status at my university in Brisbane early Nov. To learn that even the fastest English native speaker student could get through their confirmation stage was within 9 months was really a soothing feeling to me. At least after the long struggle to get my confirmation status there is something you can feel proud of ;-). I started from zero at this new faculty, everything from scratch....as if I was a new PhD student who just registered. I had to start all over again. So to get through the confirmation after 6 months was really a great personal record for me. Yeah, there are so many people involved in this journey which I can't thank them enough but they know who they are and I really appreaciate all their help. Apart from my two most loveable supervisors who help me got through this process and of course my family and friends there is another person who costantly pushed me to work hard. The person is MJFD....sometimes he can be so harsh with his words to me (and he is sooooo young!!!), and I hate that. I really hate it when young people acted that they know everything and on top of that they were right about it. Arghhhh terrible feelings....but to my dearest MJFD, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are a true friend indeed and I hope you'll be successful in your field and your PhD too. I am blessed to have you around in Brissy dude.

This section is dedicated to people who constantly help me with my PhD study in Brisbane (of course there are more but these are the name who directly involved in this journey). Professor Greg Hearn; Associate Professor Michael Keane; Professor Ahmad Shuib; Associate Professor Kusairi Noh; Associate Professor Ghazali Musa; Eric Shelton; MJFD; Siti Salwa Isa and Dila Kamaruddin. I can't thank you enough for all the support, guidance and assistance so may Allah blessed all of you always. Like I said there are more people involved and I thank all of them so much for everything.

Anyway, now that I got my confirmation life is so relaxing I must say. I spent a lot of my time organising parties with lots of food involved, watching youtube, catch up M'sian tv programe and facebooking. Now I'm waiting to go back home for data collection for two months. I need this break althouhg it is not entirely a break but I need this break from Brissy. I haven't been back to M'sia for almost 2 years due to the twisted and dramatic stuffs going on with my PhD starting from Dec last year (2008). But now I can go HOME, yes HOME. And I'm so looking forward for that and can't wait to see my family. But....what is going to happen next after this? Well I guess we just have to wait and see.....because none of us know what the future lay infront of us. Hmmmmmm what I'm thinking right now is just to go HOME. Ok now...PACKING!

Finally..........I am over to the next stage! Part I

It has been 2 years and 3 months I'm in this crazy research journey (the academicians called it as PhD). With all the dramatic and twisted plots finally, finally I managed to get through my confirmation stage. At my university we have to defend our research proposal after 1 year of our registration. For international student like me we can ask for another 3 months extention without any problems. Should we need more time after that, then only things can get a little bit complicated. For my case, things were a little bit complicated due to miss matched of supervison team. I don't want to go bitching around about the past but it was a very 'expensive' experience for me during that time. Not only both of my supervisors didn't even try to defend me during my confirmation seminar (I can forgive them for doing that actually) but the fact that after I didn't get through the confirmation stage and none of them made any efforts to contact me really make me MAD. I didn't expect them to say sorry or to console me, but just to show some caringness when I was in a deep pain. After all we worked together for 1 and the 1/2 years to do this project but right after my seminar they ignored me as if they never knew me before. My associate supervisor who is almost one year younger than me even pretended she didn't see me if she saw me after that. I was invisible to her eyes....how strange was that!!!!! But.....that's life isn't it, this things will never stop, you will meet this type of human being for the rest of your life. Sometimes even worst than my EX-supervisors. To me both of them are so unprofessional academicians, and as human being they are just immature and childish. Perhaps they thought with their Dr title they are God (puhleaseeeee not in a millions years with that kind of attitude). Opssss hang on didn't I say that I don't want to bitching around about the past hahahahaha. Sorry I got carried away when comes to this particular 'experience'.....

Anyway, finally the sun came out and here I am still in this crazy game with a confirmed status for my PhD status. Yes, after 2 and 3 months of madness changed of supervisors and faculties finally I made it. While my previous supervisors 1 of them left the university that I'm studying at (at the end of the day I was the one who stayed and he left the uni when his original intention was to make me leave....), and another ex-supervisor still working here but hardly dare to look at me if we bumped into each other. I joined my new faculty and due to time constraint the uni asked me to prepare my confirmation document and seminar within 3 months!!!! Even, English native speaker NEVER did that before. The earliest they can submit a confirmation document and had their seminar was in 10 months time. But I had to do it in 3 months time.....what an experience aye. I had to start all over again, everything from scratch and the rest is history.....(To be continued).

Pretty faces........

This world is only for pretty faces and body to live. Others who don't belong to that group is not being appreciated and often ignored. How sad.......indeed very sad as beauty is skin deep people. Please look beyond those pretty faces.....you'll see some ugliness to it. We are not perfect, none of us are so each one of us has our own strength and weaknesses. So either pretty, ugly, slim, fat, tall or short we are, all of us are beautiful. We are Allah's creation, we are pretty in our own way. Sometimes I feel this is world is so cruel and bias towards unpretty faces and body. No matter how smart, kind, nice and helpful you are, as long as you are not pretty and doesn't has great body nobody pay any attentions to you. This is very true especially to guys........pretty and great body is their first priority to any of the girls they want to have relationship with. How stupid, no matter how 'ugly' this pretty face and great body girl is (internally) they just don't care, and can put up to all the s*** because of the pretty face and body. Hmmmm......but in a way this type of guys should meet this type of girls. Yes, they are competible to each other....served them right after all. If you go for those kind of pretty, than you'll get what you wish for. So to those pretty faces and great bodies with 'ugly' attitude please find this kind of 'stupid' guys because they are not worth it after all for the 'normal' girls. For other 'normal' girls like me, we can leave without guys especially that 'stupid' type of guys and there are other 'normal' guys out there. We are too high standard for the 'stupid' guys group. So to 'normal' guys out there here we come.......or maybe we won't come at all. For my case I've give up on guys coz I'm happy with what I have now. Less headache and problem, seriously.....

Thank God for 37 years.

Salam and hello. It's been a while aye...yeah I was busy doing this and that and totally forgot that I have a blog to update. Well it's not that I have many readers or anything but at least this blog will keep some important info about my happenings for me to refer to in the future, especially when I become an important person. Yeah....last Saturday was my 37th birthday and I decided to throw a party for my friends in Brisbane. But due to the limited space of my tiny flat I had to organise at 2 different time and still I can't call everyone to the party. I felt quite bad to those whom I didn't invite but that's life.....you can't get everything that you want. It was a great gathering although I was totally flat that nite after all the guests went home by 11 pm. We (myself, Dila my flatmate and Ija my daughter and later helped by Zrett) started off with the preparation since friday (10/07/09) and ended on the day itself 11/07/09 or rather 12/07/09 around 12.30 am. Then Dila con't with cleaning up the kitchen and dishes as early as 8.30 am, thanks Dila for your great help. Without Dila I couldn't manage the party that smoothly especially with the great food. Yummmyyyyyyy, and everyone love it. The menu were, nasi lemak, sambal bilis, boiled egg, chicken rendang, lontong, nasi impit, papadam, baked potatoe, beef lasagne, fruits, biscuits, and cake. Kak Ha one of my guests brought us pulut kuning and chicken rendang and it was instantly a hit for everyone. Thanks Kak Ha.....the first batch of my friends mostly Malaysian and my special guests who are my 'adopted parents' (Theresa and Martin Devine) in Brisbane went back home around 5 pm. It was indeed a great gathering with my Malaysian friends and 'adopted parents' and we has so much fun catching up. We tried not to talk so much about our PhD work but rather talked about random stuff and current issues in Malaysia and Australia like; M'sia tv programme, Aussie/Western culture, Michael Jackson, Cheap flight ticket to M'sia, Eid celebration, Indo maid, and R******* Perempuan P****. I really enjoyed my birthday during the day time.

Quickly after all my guests went home at 5 pm I prepared the baked potato and lasagne for my night party with my international friends. It scheduled at 7 pm and the number of guests were smaller than the afternoon party. I changed into different outfit and 7 pm sharp Clare, Gordon, Siall and Tim arrived. Clare and Siall brought their delicious dip and cracker and raspberry cup cake. It was so nice and we just talked and eat and talked and eat. It was a non alcohol and no shoes party and everyone was fine with the theme. They enjoyed the Malay dishes as much as we enjoyed the dip and cup cake. I'm happy to see that my new friends from my new (not so new anymore) office in Kelvin Grove mixed very well with my friends from Gardens Point. My best buddy Mike Devine didn't come until 9.45 pm coz he overslept....but all the other guests waited for him patiently as we want to cut the cake when everyone is there. But before he arrived all of us had a good chat and laugh about general issue happening around the world. Of course issues like; Michael Jackson re-appeared again together with culture, religion, movies and other random things. At some point we laughed so hard I felt like my flat was shaken....so folks who said you need alcohol to have fun. You can have tons of fun even without them and without shoes also lol. We chat and break to eat, chat and break to have hot tea and around 9.45 pm Mike arrived with his big smile on his face. He didn't eat that much though.....but he stayed till 11 pm before heading to GP to do his work. Yeah, he is a hard working boy and persistent in his work. I'm so proud of him and in debt for 'borrowing' his parents for me in Brisbane. Sometimes when you are far from you parents, you need someone around your parents' age to share your love with. In my case, Mike parents are always there for me whenever I need them should I missed my parents back home. Although it is not the same but in a way it eased a little bit of my feeling towards my parents. Thanks Mike and of course Theresa and Martin for welcoming me and my daughter in your life.

Overall it was a fun birthday party for me although I didn't have quality time to really talked to each and everyone at the party. However, I really feel honored to have lots of great friends around me and at the same time a little bit guilty for not being able to invite more friends to my tiny flat. But this coming Eid celebration in September, God willing (insyaallah) I will invite all of them to my flat for the event. But as usual Dila won't be around as she has to go home to Malaysia to visit her kids and hubby, so I'm going to be supper busy and tired after that I'm sure. But at the end of the day I will feel joy and happy to be able to introduce my culture to friends in Brisbane and to host a great event. What ever it is my 37 years birthday was a great success and I really enjoy myself. I love all my friends in Brisbane. Mmmmmuuuuuaaaaahhhhh to all.

Yes I'm confused.........

This is the continuation from my previous posting. I'm confused about something hmmmmm and I don't like this feeling. It happen before when I was in New Zealand (a few times) and this is the first time it happen to me since I left NZ and came to Aussie almost 1 and 1/2 years back. I don't like this confused feeling because it brings no good to mee. Especially right now when my first priority should be on my PhD work. Arghhhhhh just go away...........I really pray to Allah to just make me stronger and just forget about this confused feeling I'm experiencing right now. I really want to be successful with my PhD rather than other things here in Aussie. So Allah please give me strength to face this, just let the feeling go away from me PLEASE. That is the LAST thing I need right now. As much as I enjoy it I HATE it too. It makes me feel hopeless sometimes thinking about it, where is it going to lead me, is there future to it bla bla bla. At the same time the uni is being so slow to process my application to change to another faculty. Hence I ended up in a hanging situation right now. I can't really con't doing my work much until I get the approval from my uni. Although I'm doing work still but I want the uni to act fast on this issue as I want to con't with my work really fast and to move on with my life. Perhaps because I'm not really busy compared to before with my PhD work that's why the confused feeling came to me. Arrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ok I'll try to ignore this confused feeling as much as I can and will inform this blog with my latest development. But first lets try to ignore the feeling..........Wish me luck. Cheers.

It's happening again......this crazy feeling!

It's 12 days we are in 2009. I must say that the new year celebration in Brisbane was the most boring ever new year I've ever been too. Might as well I just stayed at home and go to sleep early like what I normally did when I was in Malaysia. It was only Me & Dilla celeberated it at first watching the firework frm my office (avaoiding the crowd), followed by sitting at Queens Garden and at last.............................we went to Bibi/Amir room to celebrate new year with styling. I'm so sleepy suddenly I have stop writing will con't letter. It's happening agin, that crazy feeling when you are torn in between, confused, happy, sad etc, etc.........Later ya. Cheers.